“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

― Brené Brown in Gifts of Imperfection

The term “releasing reservation” is supposed to be about being vulnerable and real. That’s not easy or natural for me. I’m not sure it’s as much ego as it is sensitivity. Putting myself out there and being vulnerable opens a door to allow others to hurt.

I put myself fully out there with my ex-wife, and while I was open about my demons and dark places, she was hiding hers. I thought I had found a place of trust and safety for the first time in my life, but rather, my openness bothered her and she eventually left, unable to even acknowledge the truth of her leaving.

Is that TMI? I’m not sure, but it’s me attempting to be real.

I take the bar exam for the second time on Tuesday. A 3 day test. I don’t like admitting that I failed the first time, and I am nervous but confident for this second time.

In the middle of all this, I am reminded I can do all things through Christ. It’s hard to wrap my head around all this, but “Lord, I believe, help thou mine unbelief.” I can’t do this without You.